I am overwhelmed because my husband has diabetes 1 and he is driving me crazy

It is diabetic since childhood.I notice slowness and cognitive failures.In day -to -day life it is chaos.He believes that he tells me things that he thinks but he doesn't tell me.It has a negligent, forgotten, clumsy and sometimes aggressive behavior.And if I tell him something he blames me all the fault and bounces any criticism or reproach.

I know that it is difficult to know if diabetes is the cause of their attitude, and that it justifies it or anything, but I assumed that to live with him, his problems go hand in hand and I accepted it and I feel fatal because I feel guilty andI feel bad about the only idea of ​​divorcing and leaving it.But I find the coexistence unbearable to the point of wanting to die.

Coexistence is total incoherence, misunderstandings, it is impossible to plan anything.Do not collaborate, it happens, it seems that it only takes me into account to clean it and make food.

As an example: today we went to the supermarket and asked for fish in fish market, the fishmonger asked him if he wanted a great piece to what my husband replied "yes, that little girl from there."And the fishmonger stayed for a moment staring at it.Then I asked him why he replied that, and he told me that he had not understood him and then I told him that because he did not tell him that he had not understood him and said nothing.It is like living in a asylum with a madman who lives in his world and in his own way nobody else than himself.

It is as if he lived in his own reality and communication is totally ineffective, it is impossible to have a conversation consistent with him and in all -equal house tasks, badly, the other way around, disorganized and vague.He is in charge of scrubbing the dishes and when I check the sink there is always a lot and I tell him and he says that there is no and I always have to scrub a dirt that does not exist according to him, that he lets leave because surfacely is pleased every day andThe worst thing is that it takes a lot and uses an exorbitant force.

According to the self I see things that do not exist, it is driving me crazy.

It is as if it were pissed off with all humanity and with an attitude edge all day.But I support it day by day between these 4 walls and I suffer in silence.Since apparently it looks like a quiet and good man and when I talk to someone nobody believes me;except his mother who tells me that he understands me perfectly because he is the same as one of his brothers.

The problem is that with diabetes it has the perfect excuse to always go as a victim and that I ignore everything.And the whole environment defends him and supports him always in everything.I feel cornered.It is as if the whole environment presses me to continue with him sacrificing my life and forced happiness to take care of him without expecting anything in return, no affection or support even.This situation is very rare, I don't understand what happens.It treats me fatal but nobody sees it or anyone believes me because he always does it at home.

But I am playing background and I feel very bad and overwhelmed.

I feel that I am losing my life with a person who does not deserve it and that he will treat me worse as he ages.And the worst thing is that lately I really want to hit him every time I lack respect, because I feel helpless and I have no value to make the decision to divorce myself because I basically have a lotAnd it seems that it would be to throw all that effort for board and could not stand starting from scratch.In addition, the whole family lapidary, metaphorically.

He is very ambiguous, sometimes it seems that I live with a person with a disability and vulnerable in need of support and care but other times it looks like a despot and lazy ogre.He has never thanked me for anything I do, he says that I owe him more.He does not recognize anything I do and have been organizing all his life and home and food, vacations ... clothes, and alwaysI'm there when it's wrong.The couple's life is non -existent, it is as if physical contact was detected.We look like mother and son rather.

It is already a marriage problem, but I don't know why I go to this forum.I believe that diabetes greatly influences their character and cognitive impairment, because it is very clumsy and slow and slow in general.

I do not see him suitable for driving, he drives his car and is going to work, but I see that any day that needs reflexes will not answer.In fact, I never go with him as a driver, whenever we go, I drive.Because several times we almost had a fat accident and I decided that I would never go with him at the wheel.I think he is alive of a miracle.And this gives me my soul.Because I know it and nobody believes me.And this has me in suspense every day.

I'm going crazy, because he didn't really have accidents, but almost and I lived it.And the worst is your despotic attitude.He is perceived as a great driver and according to him, I am crazy.But another concrete example: on one occasion he did not want to eat, he gave him a low and almost collided with a toll because he was asleep, I had to scream him to react and stop and grab the steering wheel and correct the trajectory, we got rid of a miracle, and whatWorse is that I ask him and he does not mean his glucose measurement, he says he is not my business.Another example: we were going on the highway, I was going well in theory, we took a way out and was going too fast, it was stopping a little, there was a zebra step and a pedestrian was crossing, it did not stop, the pedestrian had to go back quickly, if it did not go backHe run over in full zebra crossing and when I recriminated his behavior he replied "the pedestrian to wait, not to have gotten."In a despot tone and blaming the pedestrian.And comments like this too every day.

I write it and it seems to me to have lived and endured things like that.But everyone takes away importance and treats me crazy.I am already deranged.

I no longer know how character or is the disease, both things are bitterness of my life.And I can't make any decision.I don't know what to do.Right now I am mentally exhausted.

Sometimes he is nervous and it seems that it is under the effects of some drugs, he puts his eyes very open and sometimes blank, sometimes he has nervous tics, sometimes he has risky behaviors that cause me fear and much insecurity.For example: the cutter was passing in the garden and very accelerated and hurried said that the car was going away, he took and very close climbed into the car and lit it and began to move, this in a few seconds without giving me time to hold the dog andThe dog behind the car and he did not make sure where the dog was or noticed that he was there just behind the car, when I always hold the dog, always, when I move the car or come out in it because the dog is always aroundof the car.I had to hit the window because I didn't listen to me and I almost hit me too, it seemed that I didn't even see rearness by reversing.It is surreal.

He does something and I have to be alert in case I put the leg in something or make some mistake or have a negligent behavior.It seems he is 4 years old.Living with him is dangerous.Always leave open cutters and things like that.He doesn't think.It is too clueless, so much that it is dangerous.And he has a totally distorted concept, he believes herself good in everything and that knows everything.I always question me and despise me and in the end I am the one who solves all day -to -day problems.He mocks me and my abilities and usually be right and do everything right.My life is very sad.And I am mentally exhausted.

Sometimes many people load me with all the responsibility of caring for it and controlling their diabetes.It seems that if something is wrong or something is wrong with me.I can't withThis weight on.I also have a hard chronic disease.And I have economic independence, he doesn't pay me any expense, we pay everything halfway.I don't owe anything to him and it seems that I owe my eternal slavery and the environment coercion in this.I am at the limit of my strength, I can't stand it anymore.

I don't know how to get out of this situation.I am paralyzed.What weighs me the most is my family's lack of support, which also pity him and believe that it is wonderful, they justify everything for their diabetes and believe that my duty is to take care of it all my life and that for my illness I cannot expectNothing better in my life than this, that I am a complaint, exaggerated and nonconformist and that life is so, that marriages are like this and is normal.That if I divorce it will be worse than I will be alone or walk from Picos Pardos (my family is very macho).

Do your experiences as a couple with diabetic people are like this?Is it normal?Anyone more than coexists with a diabetic man feels like that?Is it only its character and is not related to diabetes?

My sister says that I am a nun because so good I am silly.This may be true.

Lately I feel that something will happen, that a day will come when everything will change to better.It is as if I were waiting for my new life, another better life.That this life cannot be the definitive one.I don't like my life with my husband, I'm wrong and it's for him.He is left over in my life, it causes me suffering, he does not give me anything good.

Lately I have no soul, I am not a person, he seems happy to live like this and that still disturbs me more because there is no couple's life, I am his caregiver nothing more.How can it be happy like this?!He says that I am the only one who complains that he is fine, that I am a heavy one and let him live calm.

Does anyone see something clear?

Maybe from outside someone can give me another point of view.I am paralyzed, all I do is give myself binge of food because I have a lot of anxiety.

Thank you!

Being a diabetic can "excuse you" at a timely moment, when you have a decrease or a very strong rise.But nothing more.The rest can be your character, or other problems apart from diabetes.

If you have a bad time by his side, I of course leave him

@Marilyn8040, if you are driving you crazy, do not let it make you completely.
If you have economic independence, rent an apartment and go.
Tell him you can't anymore.And with tranquility you are already thinking about the following.
Take care of yourself.Diabetes has nothing to do with the fact that I despise you and treat you badly.There is another life.

Good morning

That situation that you describe reminds me a lot of the experience we had with my father.
He suffered for many years a frontotemporal dementia and we take care of him, my partner my mother and I, from experience I can tell you that frustration and despair will take you at allegations to physical violence and then on the feeling of guilt, in my house everyoneWe go through that, there are patients who let themselves be taken care of and others who make your life impossible, this only the one who has lived can understand it, empathy does not reach as far as suffering in your own meats.

From what you describe it seems clear that there is neurological damage, in the case of my father he also manifested in the subject of driving (among others) going with the car was an act of faith and prayers, if applicable if he had an accidentSERIOUS PHAPE, I LEAVE THE Total car and the next day he was at the concessionaire buying an exactly the same model.

The problem is that at the beginning, only the one who lives with Him realizes the situation and they in everyday life with strangers or family members can appear to be in their right mind but when it comes to something degenerative it only advances towards a direction.

In our case and for their own security and after going to social services and a court we managed to grant it the total disability, a tedious and complicated process.

If he does not put on his part, what can you do?The first thing would be to go to the neurologist and psychiatrist to do a test and see in a reliable way if there is brain damage, but from what I see, I do not know if I was going to pay much attention to you.

Regarding diabetes and brain damage, it is documented that low levels of sugar can constantly damage the cognitive function.

If you also have a chronic disease, the only thing you are going to achieve is to aggravate it, for example what you comment on food binge.

If your family does not support you, you better like a distance, first you are and your health and you have to think about oneself, but in the end one ends up deranged.

In my case my partner and I have both diabetes, my girl always has a good mood, it is rare that I have humor changes, instead I recognize that sometimes I have a crap character and I assure you that it has nothing to do with diabetes, inWhat I do is isolate myself and deal with my bad mood.

If you need any more information, delighted to attend privately.
Remember that we only have one life, a lot of encouragement and all my support.

Madmax said:
good morning

That situation that you describe reminds me a lot of the experience we had with my father.
He suffered for many years a frontotemporal dementia and we take care of him, my partner my mother and I, from experience I can tell you that frustration and despair will take you at allegations to physical violence and then on the feeling of guilt, in my house everyoneWe go through that, there are patients who let themselves be taken care of and others who make your life impossible, this only the one who has lived can understand it, empathy does not reach as far as suffering in your own meats.

From what you describe it seems clear that there is neurological damage, in the case of my father he also manifested in the subject of driving (among others) going with the car was an act of faith and prayers, if applicable if he had an accidentSERIOUS PHAPE, I LEAVE THE Total car and the next day he was at the concessionaire buying an exactly the same model.

The problem is that at the beginning, only the one who lives with Him realizes the situation and they in everyday life with strangers or family members can appear to be in their right mind but when it comes to something degenerative it only advances towards a direction.

In our case and for their own security and after going to social services and a court we managed to grant it the total disability, a tedious and complicated process.

If he does not put on his part, what can you do?The first thing would be to go to the neurologist and psychiatrist to do a test and see in a reliable way if there is brain damage, but from what I see, I do not know if I was going to pay much attention to you.

Regarding diabetes and brain damage, it is documented that low levels of sugar can constantly damage the cognitive function.

If you also have a chronic disease, the only thing you are going to achieve is to aggravate it, for example what you comment on food binge.

If your family does not support you, you better like a distance, first you are and your health and you have to think about oneself, but in the end one ends up deranged.

In my case my partner and I have both diabetes, my girl always has a good mood, it is rare that I have humor changes, instead I recognize that sometimes I have a crap character and I assure you that it has nothing to do with diabetes, inWhat I do is isolate myself and deal with my bad mood.

If you need any more information, delighted to attend privately.
Remember that we only have one life, a lot of encouragement and all my support.

Thank you.I did want to know if there is any way of force to go to a psychiatrist, because I have been telling him for a while to go to the psychiatrist or psychologist and he does not want.
It seems that the only solution is to endure as it is or divorce and never see it again.
And to continue with him I would have to take a totally independent position and take the reins of the house and my life and that means annuling it as a person but taking care of it at the same time, for my mental health, and it is very difficult to do it because nobody realizesWhat happens to him, as you say.
Many times I take sermons to do things right and I feel bad, it gives me tachycardia.The neighbors hear me at once sometimes and someone doesn't even greet me, because I can't tell you anything because you have nothing diagnosed.I have to scold him as if he were his mother and he a small child.
I feel alone and as if I were living a horror movie.

At what point did you incapacitos, did something serious?

What classes me the most is that his family, who knows him well and something knows, treats me as shit.They consider that, as I am married to him, I have an obligation to take care of him and load me alone with everything.They don't help me at all, they don't even allow me to speak, tell them and vent.If I leave it, they will have to take care of taking care of itthey.You just can't live, it is a potential diogenes and I say it because I know.I spend the days collecting and cleaning everything he leaves above the furniture and in any corner.

This is not life.Even if I had support, and the family's understanding was a break, but not even that.

@Marilyn8040 EA a very personal topic, I dare to answer you but apologize if I say something that does not make you feel good ...
In my view, character or humor for the issue of diabetes, it can be something punctual ... but all this accounts ... You cannot blame diabetes.
It seems that it has some neurological problem and can even be auditory that makes it not aware of reality and isolate yourself from the world.
Apart from that I think he has become accustomed to anything he does has consequences because there is someone who always saves him and who is living a parallel life moving away from his own, and that, it is you.

The couple is to accompany and sustain themselves, but it is not to make a caregiver, mother and assistant in normal conditions.I mean, if I had a terminal disease, of course, but for now it retains all the capacities and for me that is pure and hard selfishness.

I understand that you feel alone, that you see everything against and that it is an abysmal leap.But I think, I think ... that you have already made the decision, that you really do not feel anything and that only the custom, the pain and the fear that if you are not going to happen something ...
You have to be very brave to tell such an intimacy, and I think you must now look for all possible value to get out of such a relationship.
Go, look at life in another way and take care of you .. It's time to look for you.Do not neglect.
Life is very fast, and you are still young.
You seem that you have tried for years, you have not thrown the towel at the first change ... but in my opinion, it is time to continue with your life and love you.As much as it gets against others, no matter how much you hear, no matter how much things in common.
You have for once thought about you.Swim against the current and look for a path.
There are times that we cannot save others.As much as we insist ... and above all, if they don't want to.

What you have, is not life.You also have a disease and you could behave like this and blame it for it.Diabetes is not the key to total permissiveness.It may be sad, have days, etc ... But it does not make you annul a person and does not give you the right to have servile relatives who have to give life for you.
I have been 33 years ... and I assure you that life is not sorry to give myself reverse for suffering this disease.Neither life, nor many people.It is not an excuse.

Think of you beautiful.

I was reading and yes, I think it can be frontotemporal dementia.
Yes they fit the symptoms.The clearest are motor problems, has rare postures with the hands, Playmobil's hand called him, and sometimes he also adopts a strange posture when he bathes on the beach or pool, it stays like a bit rigid and slow.
I knew something was happening to him but he could not name him or knew the scope of this.
I only saw him eccentric and with oddities.And as it does not tell me if it is low or high of glucose I took my own conclusions.
This is a nightmare !!It doesn't compensate me to live like this, I'm consuming myself.Even on top of all, he recognizes everything I am doing, not even him.It is crazy.

@Marilyn8040: Put "Earth in between" immediately.
I think your husband needs to go to a neurologist and it is possible that diabetes has produced that mental deterioration that you comment

Link

I am very sorry to listen to what you are happening.The situation you describe sounds incredibly difficult and challenging.It is important to remember that, although diabetes can have cognitive and emotional side effects, does not justify abusive or negligent behavior.

Diabetes can affect mood, energy and cognition, but not all diabetics experience these symptoms or manifest them in the same way.It is possible that some of your husband's behaviors are related to their diabetes, but it is also possible that there are other factors at stake, such as mental or personality problems.

That said, it is essential that you prioritize your well -being and security.If you feel that you are in danger or that your mental health is at risk, it is crucial to seek help.It may be useful to speak with a mental health professional or a marriage counselor to obtain an external perspective and advice on how to handle the situation.

In addition, it is important to remember that you are not alone.There are support groups and online communities where you can share your experiences and receive support from people who have gone through similar situations.It can also be useful to speak with friends and family in whom you trust about what you are happening.

Finally, if you ever feel that your life is in danger, please seek help immediately.There are help lines available for people in crisis.

Please take care of yourself and look for the support you need.No one should feel trapped or in danger in a relationship.

@Marilyn8040 is a senile dementia type.Now they call it cognitive losses.

I live it day by day with my mother and father, in addition my father isolates him because he does not hear, not hearing the ability to understand, the Otorino told us when he put the headphones (which does not feel like it)And of course, it has the same behavior as your husband.
My mother forgets everything, loses knowledge every day.

The coexistence for misunderstandings and aggressive attitude is very hard and difficult.

I took the neurologist and from there to the Dementia Center for Annual Monitoring.It has no solution, there are medications for Alzheimer's that help but leave little by little.

I do not dare to comment on your truth, I think it is a couple problem that you should solve the two !!Look for help and do the best for both of them or separate!
What I tell you that diabetes can ever influence the character (but punctual) a very strong drop or rise, but nothing to do with your story !!
To this life became happy as a couple or alone, but to be happy !!

What you say from the PlayMobil hand, I think I have read it in a book "Diabetes is not a disease"
It is one of the complications associated with diabetes, I suppose that due to bad control, the fingers adopt the claw position, it is somewhat operable, at least the protagonist of the book had intervened twice, I think I remember.

It is clear that if you hide your glucose levels it is because they will not be good.

So you tell your relationship, I see you more in the role of a slave than as a companion, you are carrying your backpack, with yours and with that of the family, you have to free yourself from that weight.

My father did not stop liar, we had to call the police, income in psychiatric pavilions, autolesions ...

I would try to search for mental illness associations, social services so that they can also advise you, here in the Basque Country, we gathered relatives of people with dementias, to share experiences and also offered us therapeutic psychological help, share your experienceWith people who are living the same as you are quite comforting, at least you feel the support and understanding of someone.

You have been very brave to share your experience, that is the first step.

We realized his illness because at first, he asked us about supersencillas things that did not remember the word, for example he pointed to the table and asked what was called that, thus with everything with
At first we thought it was to get attention, but it went more and increasinghard to say it, but it was so

The issue of total disability is very complicated when the person still has some independence, it is the social services that go your home and ask him a lot of questions to see what degree of disability has, in the case of my father they gave him theGreat disability because he was not able to do anything by himself and did not understand what they told him, apart from his vocabulary consisted of no more than three words.

Then they give you an appointment in the court to declare all the parties involved and the judge issued a sentence.
It is something complicated and irreversible, he thinks that they take access to bank accounts, driving license ... and you are their "tutor" there are people who take advantage of the situation of these people for their own benefit for what is a delicate process, so thatYour partner accounts, I don't see it viable today, also if you already suffer from family misunderstanding because they disagree with what they think they could think.

I think you should focus on your own health and do everything necessary to be fine.

I send you all my support and understanding, I also encourage you to continue taking steps, it is complicated, but if you have the conviction that you are working well you have to move on no matter what others say or think, nobody is in your skin, cheer up

Thanks for the answers and read me.
Everything fits into the frontotemporal dementia.
But he has specific symptoms and that I think I only notice because I live with him every day.
Work and as long as you do not have an accident or fuck no, no one will notice anything.And still accidents and you can have any person on a bad day, I suppose.
So since he does not want to go to the doctor because he does not consider that he has any problem, I see impossible for him to diagnose anything and much less than give him some kind of treatment.And that's why I can't wait for anyone's support and help.
So it is simply my decision to assume to follow or leave it.But it is like living with a stranger in a way, emotionally he is unable to connect with me already, it is neither love nor anything;He even reproaches me to be controlling it, even on top.It is a nightmare.
For example, he is angry because I do not allow him to drive when I go with him, and that and more things like this to me.
The relationship so makes no sense, I don't paint anything by his side.Suffer anything else.
Thanks for the messages, it helps me see it a bit with perspective.Thank you all.
I am going to meditate and read information about frontotemporal dementia, because I already see it with other eyes.
Even if I saw affection for me and thanks on your part, but it is quite the opposite because it is not aware of what happens or admits it or accept it.
I criticize me fiercely and his whole life and I organize it every day because he has no capacity to plan a trip or what to do any weekend.If it were for him, he would be sitting on a sofa watching TV.And we are still young, we are 40 years old.It's all very sad.
It has no memory problems, it is more at the level of thought, movement, execution and emotional.
For example, I read the difficulties when swallowing, he often choks and drinking and on many occasions I thought that one day I was going to have a serious problem because of a simple choking.Living like this every day is horrible.I see that he is a person who with simple day -to -day activities such as going to work or eating or drinking is already at risk of dying.It is very complicated.
At least I know what he has and I see it with other eyes.I will stop throwing sermons because I can't get anything, just get altered and have a bad time.It is difficult not to take emotional distance.
I can't expect anything from him at this point.Nor to value what I do even.
The claw hand is not, it happens only sometimes, it has normal mobility, but it is at certain times that it adopts that position in the hands, totally strange.It is very rare.It is clear that it is neuronal.
Now it is very well controlled in terms of glucose levels, but it has been with diabetes for many years and had periods of much lack of control of child and adolescent, many hypos and hyper.Since I live with him, the control was greatly improved and I had to fight a lot to follow my indications.
I don't deserve this deal, I'm tired and fed up.His family has disappointed me a lot, I have cared for it a lot and they have treated me fatal, like a strange.

I write this because these days I have touched background, nothing serious or desperate, but I have been very sad and alone, more than ever.And I didn't know where to find answers to this problem even what the problem was exactly.I felt that I was driving me crazy because people who don't live cannot understand.And since he does not want to go to a psychologist he found no answers or solution.
He told me to go to the psychiatrist to give me a pill, but it tells me many things without reasoning lately.According to him I have to take a tranquilizer and stop complaining 😞.It is good for me to be at his service and care, obvious, he has no complaint.The one who suffers here is me and I charge with all the responsibility of my life and his.
I even copy what I do and say.As I readThey are ecolalias 😓

Get out of there as soon as possible.
You live in a relationship that is broken and is not because of diabetes, but of your partner's abusive attitude.
This forum has a very good vibes, you can feel heard but what you need is to go to a professional.A good psychologist will help you relieve the stress you are suffering and handle the situation.
I did not dare to participate in this post because it is an intimate, personal and very complicated theme.But I have not been able to empathize with you and indign myself with the situation you have exposed.You don't deserve to live like this, it's like being in galleys.

Well, I remember you, you wrote with this problem two years ago.I also do not want to enter, I only tell you that life is very short and spends fast and every day we are unhappy is a missed day.
You know what you have to do.Does it cost to make decisions?Of course, but it is the only way to break the toxic of our life to improve it.

It's all complicated.
I am not going to throw in the towel in this relationship.And more knowing now that you can blame a neuronal problem, as I checked when reading information about frontotemporal dementia.Knowing this I will redirect the relationship.
I read that selenium helps.
I also read that it is better to give direct and concrete instructions to perform any action or task, instead of sermons or reproaches, which are useless in these cases.
I had already noticed this, that I have to organize everything and ask him to do anything step by step and one by one.This created many misunderstandings, I thought I did it for vagus and passage or by hate towards me.And it is because of the neuronal issue because it is manual.Everything is written and well explained, I already read a lot of information.
It also seems quite daring to me that some you discard diabetes as a cause, because no one, not even me, you know the medical history and since childhood are many years and many important hypos, at a time when the most veterans will know how difficult it was to carry aGood control.Even more when my mother -in -law did not understand the disease and thought that the worst were the hypos and threw sugar in the breakfast juice when I was a teenager, I would do it with the best intention but imagine the lack of control for my husband's monitoring.And I can't think because I didn't live it.My mother -in -law told me, which still does not understand hyperglycemia.
Thanks for keeping this forum alive, it helps a lot.I read you from time to time.

You have to separate things, you can have that strong and despotic character always but exacerbated over the years, but the first thing to rule out is that it is with a progressive beginning of a cognitive deterioration of probably vascular origin.Long evolution DB and not well controlled for many years, suffer alterations of blood vessels and therefore cognitive failures, memory, saying several times pq think that they have not told you etc.
The first would tell your endocrine in the prox visit, or your family doctor and ask for a cranial CT.If you do not want you to accompany you and put yourself in a sharp plan, I threaten to you if you do not take care of it and do not want to solve the issue, coexistence will not be possible.
If that is discarded, it would be rather an exclusively psychological theme.

I will be very brief: you have not lived as desiring too long.Make urgent decisions;Look for external support and remember: ĥY will not repeat itself again.One day less.

Diabetes is not an excuse, although when you are high, you personally feel a bad host and that the world is against you, it is no excuse for what you are telling.
I think you are very clear about what you want, because it goes for it, it is your life, you do not throw it overboard for anyone.I would encourage you to look for help to give the change you want to give, and do not make you feel bad about it.